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retrograde... - adventures of a red-headed stepchild in the house of love — LiveJournal
mermaid on the mic
something's in retrograde... or maybe it's just me. seems like things lately are such slow going, it's nearly impossible to get anything done (at least in a timely manner.) today I was in SF for the second day in a row this week, and since I could not accomplish what I'd gone there to do, I decided to do what I could instead.

one of the highlights of today was seeing Erin (aka Ms Cheeky) for a little while. we'd been messaging each other because I was trying to learn the name of Allison's favorite perfume. I knew it was from Estee Lauder, but not which specific scent. as it happened, she had a bottle of the perfume which she very kindly offered to me for my project. I want to make candles, with a picture of Allison (so that the image glows when the candle is lit) and scent them with her perfume.

Erin was totally supportive of the idea and offered me the perfume, and I stopped by her place this evening to pick it up. she invited me in, and we talked for a little while. it was really good to connect with her, and to share our experiences and memories. she's a really cool person, and someone who I wish I knew better. maybe I'll get the opportunity to spend a bit more time with her before she jet-sets back to London.

having the perfume is a trip - it's both comforting and a bit disconcerting. I told her about how I'd called Allison's voicemail a couple weeks ago. not sure if I mentioned that here, but it was quite an interesting experience for me.

I'd already come to the point of being angry about the situation, but I am not (and have not ever been) angry at Allison herself. this was especially clear to me as I was leaving my message on her voicemail. I told her that I missed her, and that I was having this party which I wished she could come to, but that I understood that she couldn't. I told her that I loved her, that I missed her, but that I understood that she couldn't be here any more. it felt really good to say these things, and I felt no anger at all, just longing and sadness - but I also felt understanding and even a bit of acceptance.

talking to Erin today has really got me reflecting on things... well, that, and the fact that since I touched the perfume bottle, the scent is on my hands and I notice it at every turn. it's a bit musky, but it also has a powder note, and maybe a hint of sandalwood. I quite like it, although I am not a perfume kind of girl. it's sweet but not too sweet, nor cloying. I'm actually quite enjoying smelling it on and around me, truth to tell.

there's more going on with me, in particular I have crossed a bridge that was a long time coming... but I don't want to say too much and maybe jinx it. but I am trying very hard to do something which will not only benefit me personally, but also be a good and helpful thing. right now I am experiencing many barriers, but I feel that I will eventually prevail. more on this later. please wish me luck!

also, yesterday (Tuesday) I was fortunate to be able to spend some time visiting Miranda Caroligne. she is a brilliant designer and a warm, intelligent, and fascinating person. I always really enjoy getting to talk with her about fashion, sewing, design, and our conversation touched on these and a myriad of other topics. she's one of my heroes and I really appreciated the time she took to talk with me.
13 smooches or Gimme Some Love!
From: ninarawkstah Date: January 12th, 2007 04:59 pm (UTC) (Link)
> please wish me luck!

good luck!!
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: January 15th, 2007 10:18 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you - IT WORKED!!! :-D
From: ninarawkstah Date: January 15th, 2007 05:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
YAY!! always good to hear when the good ju ju makes it to its destination :-)
sterlingsf From: sterlingsf Date: January 13th, 2007 12:24 am (UTC) (Link)
RE: ... I am trying very hard to do something which will not only benefit me personally, but also be a good and helpful thing. right now I am experiencing many barriers, but I feel that I will eventually prevail.

I'm sending juju for personal strength and positive changes!
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: January 15th, 2007 10:20 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks, sweetheart. Let me know when you want to come over and meet the girls! It would be GREAT to see you!
From: daubentonia Date: January 13th, 2007 12:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Best of luck!!!

And I agree, Erin is awesome!!
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: January 15th, 2007 10:23 am (UTC) (Link)
Thank you! It worked!!! And that's cool that you know Erin (and admire her too.) I think you're pretty awesome too and hope to get to know you better in the coming year. Are you planning on returning to the BLD?
From: daubentonia Date: January 17th, 2007 03:10 pm (UTC) (Link)
Aw shucks.

I don't know yet about where we're camping. I'm most likely going to camp elsewhere this year. I'm bringing a bunch of first timers so I think I'm gonna camp with another friend's camp who they all know. I want them to feel at home. But I'll certainly visit!!
bearfairie From: bearfairie Date: January 13th, 2007 01:56 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes definitely, this week was in retrograde *something*. It's been like that for everyone, as far as I can tell, and I do this stuff professionally.

I don't post to your journal frequently (I'm actually not on LJ very often) but I've been following your healing process around your friend's death. I dunno - I find it sorta weirdly comforting to read about your ups and downs as you cope with her loss. Today would have been my brother-in-law's 30th birthday - he ended his life a little over a year ago. It gets easier with each passing month, but his absence still aches like a missing limb. I guess it's just nice to know that there are others out there who *get* what that's like from the inside, ya know?

I'm feeling you, girl. Let's all hang in there :).
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: January 15th, 2007 10:16 am (UTC) (Link)
Hi hi... I appreciate the comment - in fact, all of your comments have been much appreciated. Your support and wisdom around dealing with this have really meant a lot to me. I'm glad to know that reading my thoughts has been helpful for you.

I don't know you well, but from what I do know you seem like an amazing person. Are you planning on coming to FC this year? (It's next weekend... and as it happens, we have an extra pass. If that would entice you to show up, let me know - it would be great to see you again.) Either way, if you ever want to come over for some kitty therapy, you are most welcome. It does wonders, let me tell you.

bearfairie From: bearfairie Date: January 16th, 2007 05:43 pm (UTC) (Link)

Hmmm, a free pass *is* very enticing...
Yes I was definitely planning on coming to FC next weekend, probably on Saturday, and will definitely come find you. I'll be (relatively speaking) hard to miss - I'll be the fabulous green and pink fox. Not in a full fursuit (I hate having my face covered), but ears, tail, opera length glove-paws, sweetheart neckline strapless green fur top with pink furry belly, quilted princess-style half coat... I figure bunnywarez will have a booth, yes? And I'll probably come by the furtribe party, too.

I think you seem pretty amazing too. I agree about cat therapy - I have 5 at home myself :). Yes let's find some time to hang out. It'd be nice to get to know you better in person. I'm in Santa Clara but occasionally find my way into the East Bay. You're definitely welcome to come by the south bay too :).
bloodraynn From: bloodraynn Date: January 14th, 2007 12:25 am (UTC) (Link)

email and stuff

hey doll. i sent you an email at mermaid at jovino dot com, is that a good address for you? thats what was listed on the gig lists. just wanted to make sure you got it and it didn't get lost to the ether. meow!
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: January 15th, 2007 10:17 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: email and stuff

got it, and pinged you back. it'd be rad to have you stay here!
13 smooches or Gimme Some Love!