red-headed stepchild in the house of love (djmermaid) wrote,
red-headed stepchild in the house of love
djmermaid

retrograde...

something's in retrograde... or maybe it's just me. seems like things lately are such slow going, it's nearly impossible to get anything done (at least in a timely manner.) today I was in SF for the second day in a row this week, and since I could not accomplish what I'd gone there to do, I decided to do what I could instead.

one of the highlights of today was seeing Erin (aka Ms Cheeky) for a little while. we'd been messaging each other because I was trying to learn the name of Allison's favorite perfume. I knew it was from Estee Lauder, but not which specific scent. as it happened, she had a bottle of the perfume which she very kindly offered to me for my project. I want to make candles, with a picture of Allison (so that the image glows when the candle is lit) and scent them with her perfume.

Erin was totally supportive of the idea and offered me the perfume, and I stopped by her place this evening to pick it up. she invited me in, and we talked for a little while. it was really good to connect with her, and to share our experiences and memories. she's a really cool person, and someone who I wish I knew better. maybe I'll get the opportunity to spend a bit more time with her before she jet-sets back to London.

having the perfume is a trip - it's both comforting and a bit disconcerting. I told her about how I'd called Allison's voicemail a couple weeks ago. not sure if I mentioned that here, but it was quite an interesting experience for me.

I'd already come to the point of being angry about the situation, but I am not (and have not ever been) angry at Allison herself. this was especially clear to me as I was leaving my message on her voicemail. I told her that I missed her, and that I was having this party which I wished she could come to, but that I understood that she couldn't. I told her that I loved her, that I missed her, but that I understood that she couldn't be here any more. it felt really good to say these things, and I felt no anger at all, just longing and sadness - but I also felt understanding and even a bit of acceptance.

talking to Erin today has really got me reflecting on things... well, that, and the fact that since I touched the perfume bottle, the scent is on my hands and I notice it at every turn. it's a bit musky, but it also has a powder note, and maybe a hint of sandalwood. I quite like it, although I am not a perfume kind of girl. it's sweet but not too sweet, nor cloying. I'm actually quite enjoying smelling it on and around me, truth to tell.

there's more going on with me, in particular I have crossed a bridge that was a long time coming... but I don't want to say too much and maybe jinx it. but I am trying very hard to do something which will not only benefit me personally, but also be a good and helpful thing. right now I am experiencing many barriers, but I feel that I will eventually prevail. more on this later. please wish me luck!

also, yesterday (Tuesday) I was fortunate to be able to spend some time visiting Miranda Caroligne. she is a brilliant designer and a warm, intelligent, and fascinating person. I always really enjoy getting to talk with her about fashion, sewing, design, and our conversation touched on these and a myriad of other topics. she's one of my heroes and I really appreciated the time she took to talk with me.
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  • 13 comments

  • To Absent Friends

    A year ago this weekend, we went to Decompression and Remember the Party. It was too much in one day so I decided I'd only do RTP this year, and stay…

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