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wednesday. she's still dead. - adventures of a red-headed stepchild in the house of love
mermaid on the mic
djmermaid
djmermaid
wednesday. she's still dead.
didn't go over to sf last night, though i probably should have. they moved the meeting place to somewhere in potrero and i just did not feel like i had enough of my wits about me to drive over the bridge. but i should have. today i feel weak and numb. and tired. i slept some but not deeply, it was there tugging at me all night.

i hope that i can connect with some of her other friends, i think i need to do that. and i need to sleep more, hopefully i'll be able to tonight. sleeping can be tough for me even at the best of times. i need a magic wand.

for now, i have to go cut stuff out, we have a sale coming up on sunday that we need to make stuff for.

ugh.
16 smooches or Gimme Some Love!
Comments
From: lord_kook Date: December 13th, 2006 07:11 pm (UTC) (Link)
ugh, yeah. *hugs* sorry.
chasbrown From: chasbrown Date: December 13th, 2006 07:13 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hey M--

This is Tina over in #21. I just found out about A. It hit our girls list this morning. I'm really sorry. I didn't know her well, but I read her LJ and gave her my purple and green couch. I only met her the one time, and had hoped to see her when she stopped by to see you and J once in awhile. Let me know if you need anything, or if you need help with sewing orders if you're not feeling up to it. I have a machine and my paws are relatively free right now.

I knew you and J were good friends with her. I'm really sorry.

--Tina
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: December 14th, 2006 11:15 pm (UTC) (Link)
Hi Tina,

Thanks for your kind comments. She was one of my very best freinds.

Also, I just saw Neil and Donna last night and they mentioned you.

This is an odd question (and maybe a longshot) but... what are you doing on Sunday? Bunnywarez is taking part in a holiday sale, and it turns out that the memorial for Allison is at the same time (the memorial is at noon, and the sale is at 2pm, setup beforehand, so basically the same time.) Both are in SF. If there is any way you could help with the start of the sale, I could come over after the memorial and take over. If this would not work out, no worries. I just found out about the memorial and I'm trying to figure out how to do both.

headlouse From: headlouse Date: December 13th, 2006 07:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
I didn't go to the gathering last night either, as it's the middle of finals. Life seldom fits around grieving very well.

In any case, it's probably best that you didn't drive. I had an driving accident once when I was younger due to driving while emotionally overwhelmed.

hug, take care.
From: mr_heathen Date: December 13th, 2006 08:16 pm (UTC) (Link)
sweetie, she loved you so much. she always looked up to you and knew how important she was to you. i'm so glad you guys had that.

i'm a fucking wreck today. i can't stop crying. she had left some stuff at my house recently and was going to come pick it up at my work: her favorite sweater and her favorite sunglasses. they're still on my desk.

this sucks.
evilmommytina From: evilmommytina Date: December 13th, 2006 08:40 pm (UTC) (Link)

just - huge - hugs...

that's it.

Oh yea... call me. I want to see you next time I am in town... or perhaps you want to plan another runaway from home sleepover?

Me
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: December 14th, 2006 12:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
thank you SO MUCH for saying that. it's easy to forget stuff like that but you are right - I adored her at least as much as she loved me and I do know that she for sure KNEW it.

of course the same could be said for you - you know she thought the world of you.

also, I think the main reason we know each other is from both being her friends. she had such cool friends - anyone she introduced me to I wanted to follow up on.

(though of course there were all the times running into each other in the Almighty Long's!)

xoxoxox,
- M
evilmommytina From: evilmommytina Date: December 13th, 2006 08:41 pm (UTC) (Link)

hey honey...

sit quietly and don't take risks... your grieving will happen in due course... and I would hate anything to happen to you.

Hugs, Tina
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: December 14th, 2006 11:16 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: hey honey...

thank you
theassassinnox From: theassassinnox Date: December 13th, 2006 09:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know what to say other than I'm sending you big hugs and good thoughts.
~S
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: December 14th, 2006 11:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks, i appreciate your thoughts. and i would like to collect that hug in person, at FC!
theassassinnox From: theassassinnox Date: December 14th, 2006 11:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Absolutely. I have hugs for you and your guy. *smiles*

~S
thecatsmeowww From: thecatsmeowww Date: December 13th, 2006 10:26 pm (UTC) (Link)
HUGS!! My thoughts are with you!
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: December 14th, 2006 11:18 pm (UTC) (Link)
thank you
raverpup From: raverpup Date: December 14th, 2006 12:07 am (UTC) (Link)
Urgh, truly sucky. I recently went through something with a friend who was teetering on the edge, and even without him electing the final solution, it was something that weighed heavily on me. I can only imagine what you must be going through. *Hugs*.
From: (Anonymous) Date: December 14th, 2006 02:13 am (UTC) (Link)
M, be kind and generous with yourself in all the ways she could not be for herself in the moments leading up to her suicide. Balance your work with the rest that you need, take time to do some things that you enjoy simply because you are alive and can do them. Take care and let the grief ebb and flow as it needs to.

I've walked my version of this road before... declined a simple invite to hangout with a friend and found out later she'd killed herself that same day. It took a decade for me to let go of that and just accept that I would never understand and that there was nothing that would have stopped her, including me. Even a decade after that bit of acceptance, it still hurts. When I think of her and what she did to herself and to her family, I shudder ... and then I snuggle one of my cats, and thank them for helping me to endure the parts of my life that don't always work so well.

Much love,

tank
16 smooches or Gimme Some Love!