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sometimes its better not to look - adventures of a red-headed stepchild in the house of love
mermaid on the mic
sometimes its better not to look
Shouldn't have peeked at my email just now...

So my ex, Peter, just had a new baby. He posted in the family blog about our old kitty Pounce keeping them up after the baby went to sleep and it gave me the idea that maybe Pounce could come live with me now.

So I emailed him about it. And he said no. He thinks Pounce is too old, would freak out over Jovino's cat (who, I'm sorry, but she is the wussiest cat EVAR and I am sure they'd quickly sort it out and become friends. She is ULTRA chill, and not very big to boot.) She's wouldn't bug him, it's just not her temperament.

This just makes me SO sad! When I first moved out I bent over backwards to let him keep the house (when I could have forced him to sell it and pay me off all at once.) I moved into a place that didn't allow cats, because I really did not have a lot of options. And now that I could have a cat, he is deciding for me that it isn't a good idea. I miss the HELL out of my kitty, and I just don't think it's fair that he won't even consider it! I'm around a LOT to take care of him too.

Besides, once the baby is big enough to get around, you know he is going to hassle Pouncer - not on purpose, but just because babies don't know any better, and they don't know that cats (or other people, for that matter) have feelings.

Maybe I can plead my case again then, but for right now, I am SO disappointed. I have been dreaming of having Pouncer come live with me ever since I had to move out, and Jovino said yes to it, and I can't see why it couldn't work out and now I am just fucking crushed.


I'm feeling: crushed crushed

8 smooches or Gimme Some Love!
From: femmefata1e Date: July 12th, 2006 04:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
Is he just being a prat, or is he really concerned about Pouncer's happiness? Usually, little kids and cats don't mesh.. kids pull tails and ears and such, not on purpose really, but that's just their nature.

I think you should get the cat.
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: July 12th, 2006 05:01 pm (UTC) (Link)
I really can't tell, and that's part of the problem. I don't think he's doing it just to be unkind to me, but I also don't necessarily agree with his reasoning. But it's hard to tell, partly because I miss my kitty so much.

Pounce is pretty old (17 I think.) And Peter has never met Jovino's cat, so he has really no idea how mellow she is. He did invite my boyfriend and I to come over and see the new baby sometime soon, so I want to do that, and while we're there I can really check out the situation and think about it. Right now, it's not so much an issue because the baby is too small to get around, but when he gets older things will be different.

But it is also true that I miss my kitty so much, and have ever since I moved out, so it's hard for me to have enough distance to really figure it out from here.

Thanks for the comment! I've been down in the dumps ever since I got the news. (And lovely userpic, with the pretty paint.)
headlouse From: headlouse Date: July 12th, 2006 08:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
aw I feel for you. I know I'd hate to ever give up my cats -- though I could give up Cryptic's tendency to vomit all the time.

I can sorta understand his rational -- it is an old cat. But I bet his reasoning is just tempered by his own desire to keep the cat.

Maybe you can convince him to allow you to give try keeping Pounce a couple weeks? If it doesn't work out cohabitating with Jovino's cat then you'll bring Pounce back.
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: July 13th, 2006 01:06 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh, no doubt his reasoning is tempered by his desire to keep the cat - this could be true of my thinking as well, so I think my strategy here is to go visit, pay close attention to how Pounce is doing, and then maybe bring it up again later on. I did a little research and learned that babies usually begin to crawl somewhere between 4 months (the crawling prodigies) and 10 months, with most coming in somewhere between 6 - 8 months. When that starts to happen, things will be different, and that might be a good time to try again to make my case.

At any rate, I do feel that, although I have been missing Pounce for several years now, he is my *first* cat, and I do not have a baby to take care of, these are not necessarily good reasons (since they are more about me than about Pouncer.) But we will see what happens. I am still holding out some hope!

Thanks for the supportive comment, I really appreciate it.
velvona From: velvona Date: July 13th, 2006 09:39 pm (UTC) (Link)
When I tried to move back to SF, my two kitties ended up staying with my parents. One of them had to be put to sleep about a week or two after I got to SF, but the other one continued to live with my parents until last year when he died at the age of 18.

I often thought about having him come live with me, and decided that he was in a good place where he was. My parents have a roomy house, my dad is home all day long, and my mom spoiled him rotten. Also, he had a big yard to go out into, and that wasn't an option when I was an apartment-dweller. When I moved to Texas, I realized that a long-haired black cat wasn't gonna do so well in the crazy heat. I thought that it was best for the cat to stay with my parents, and so I left him there.

In the meantime, Miss Kitty showed up as I was remodeling my house. We were all working on it with the door open, and she walked in, looked around and said, "this is great, I'm moving in with you!" And she's been my companion for the past four years. She is the coolest one-eyed cat ever, and we adore each other.

I'm sure that Pounce misses you, but how would he take being uprooted at the age of 17? Cats don't deal with change very well, though he is already dealing with change. Perhaps it's best to let him go (which, of course, you don't have to do altogether as you have visiting privileges!), and find another cat who loves, needs and wants you. There are millions of kitties out there who would thrive on your love and attention. I'm always seeing posts from people who are moving and can't keep their cats for one reason or another. (That is how my parents got their current cat.)

If Pounce doesn't come live with you, put it out there to the universe, and some lucky cat will find you when the time is right.
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: July 15th, 2006 02:18 am (UTC) (Link)
I appreciate what you're saying (and I have indeed seen several folks trying to find homes for cats lately) but the thing is, I don't just want "a cat" - I want my cat. There is already a cat here - Jovino's cat, who is a fine cat whose company I usually enjoy (except when she gets all fussy and fiendy over something) but she isn't Pounce. I miss Pounce and some other cat just doesn't cut it, or else I'd be perfectly happy with Jovino's cat.

I don't know if it really is a bad idea or if Peter is just being selfish, so what I am going to do is to go visit and take a close look at how he is doing. I just can't see how they can give him the same attention they used to before they had a baby, and it is only going to get worse when the baby gets old enough to move around and hassle him. But maybe it is too late and Pounce (and I) are just screwed out of ever living together again. That would suck. We will see.
velvona From: velvona Date: July 16th, 2006 01:20 am (UTC) (Link)

I don't know your ex-husband well...

...but people do communicate differently online than in person. It's possible that you will get a different answer if you talk with him in person and press the issue. It might be harder for him to back down.

Also, do you think the new wife might have something to say about it as well? Perhaps enlist her on your side when she gets overworked having to care for an old cat and a new baby.

Patience, Grasshopper. Give it a little time, and plan out your moves like a chess game. :)
helianthas From: helianthas Date: July 19th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC) (Link)
Was he your cat to begin with?
If so, I think that, if you want him, he should go to you.
Depending on how old he is, and his temperment, the change might not be that bad. People are always saying "change is traumatizing" for cats, but Pablo seemed to adjust to his new surroundings within a day every time (he moved 3 times). Sit down and talk with your ex about how you feel -- even if Pounce seems to be doing OK over there, if you want him with you and your home will be OK for him, I don't see why not...
8 smooches or Gimme Some Love!