red-headed stepchild in the house of love (djmermaid) wrote,
red-headed stepchild in the house of love

On my mind

A lot has been on my mind lately. Overall, things are going well.

Yesterday afternoon I had a good chat with the ExBF. He seems to be hanging in there and doing pretty well, all things considered.

He did express that he thought my tag team set with Jovino on Fryday evening of the campout was "too personal" - meaning that (he felt) it was in large part directed at him, and that he was hurt and/or offended by some of it. This actually rather annoyed me, because I was certainly NOT spinning towards him by any means, I was truly in the moment of the music and thinking only of what song would be the perfect follow-on musically.

I was nice about it and just said that it was not about him nor directed towards him, and was sorry he was bothered.

Truth to tell, I found it rather painfully ironic, because the last time that I actually was spinning towards/about him, he didn't hear it at all! If he had, he'd have reacted very differently to it, and to me, that night. (well... maybe.) Not that it matters now, anyway. It's all water under the bridge.

It did confirm my feelings that I'd best keep fairly quiet here (at least where he is concerned.) I do feel sympathetic, but I am only so willing to modify my actions... and I'm certainly not going to stand there in my headphones, wondering "what would ExBF think" when selecting music!

He is also the only person who has expressed doubts about my new direction - telling me that freelancing is hard, and basically doubting my ability to run my own business. Well, we will see what happens, but I'm really glad that nobody else has suggested that I might not be up for it. I don't need any negativity from anyone, whether in the guise of concern for my well being, or in any other form. I'm super excited about it all!

That said, I am definitely pleased that we are getting along as well as we are. I think it speaks well of both of us.

More later.

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