October 13th, 2009

sewwious goggles

I'm Not with Stupid Any More

so yesterday was SF Decompression (a burning man afterparty in the potrero hill neighborhood).

Jovino and I went early so we could participate in a friend's project: a debate between Starry-Eyed Virgins and Jaded Fucks. Jovino was signed up to be a Fuck and I was just planning to hang out and watch (ok, heckle) when I was asked whether I could step in and of course I said yes. and that's how I wound up playing a starry-eyed virgin! LOL. it was actually really fun!

another great moment was seeing the "blue angels" going overhead while hanging out with Salamander and Jovino near a sound system, and realizing that we *couldn't hear them at all* - for once! burning man pwns!

I'd have to agree with Jovino's assessment that decom had elements of both the best and worst aspects of burning man.

the best part of the day was undoubtedly seeing friends. I saw a few folks I rarely run into, and also got some good advice for my new venture (watch this spot, lol). we also at at Goat Hill Pizza - normally I don't blog about food but OMG! next time I want to order *two* pizzas, one to eat there and another to go right into a box for the next day! LOVE that place, I've got to say.

the worst part for me was encountering the abusive ex. I'd known he might be there, but totally did not see him coming up and therefor could not get away without having to interact. when I realized it was him, I immediately wanted to just walk away, but didn't want to bring the dramz so I decided to be polite and just minimally interact. not following my intuition turned out to be the *wrong* answer - as usual!

so, he's still an idiot, still incredibly rude/unaware of how he comes across. I can't BELIEVE I ever had ANYthing to do with that guy! it's so embarrassing. I know everyone makes mistakes, but DAMN! that one was a doozy.

anyway, it kinda went ok at first and then (of course) it all fell apart. for some reason he decided to point out that I don't like him. well, he's right, I don't - and there are REASONS why not! it amazes me that he seems to think that he can get away with treating me the way he has, and just expect me to forget it all. trying to push me into being all chummy like nothing ever happened = fail.

he fucking betrayed me, he beat the crap outta me, and he took advantage of my kindness, lied to me, and stole from me. damn right I don't like him!

so, he flipped out on me, and angrily stormed off while yelling about how I was "a small person". it was actually scary, his anger is SO intense, poorly controlled and so close to the surface. if I hadn't been around so many other people I would have really been afraid. as it was, I had to get away from the area to feel safe again.

and really, fuck that guy. he acts all condescending - like he is doing me some sort of favor by interacting with me, when if I never saw him again in my life I would be so relieved. the more he says, the worse it gets. he tries to be friendly but he's SO clueless and downright rude! it's embarrassing.

really, I'm amazed he even tried to talk to me at all after our interactions a few weeks ago when he tried to get me to dj his (out of town) wedding - for FREE (not that I would do it for any price, but it just adds to the insanity and self-entitlement). he even said "please" - in the very last line of the email, when he was telling me what kind of music he wanted. SRSLY!

the upshot of that was that we exchanged a few rounds of email, I again had to remind him why I hate him, and I thought maybe that would be it for a while. and then this happens! funny thing, the email interaction went kinda like, first he steps on my boundary, then he apologizes, I respond to that (and not unkindly) and then he tried to give me a load of utterly self-serving bullshit. it was like a microcosm of our relationship!

so anyway, I'm not with stupid any more, thank god!!! maybe some day Stupid will get enough of a clue to Leave Me The Fuck Alone and quit trying to act all chummy! I understand that he wants to think of himself as the kind of guy who everyone likes but that isn't the case. and he can keep trying to bully me into being friendly with him, but the fact is, it just ain't going to happen.

I also know that I am NOT the first partner he has been physically violent to. for some reason (maybe because it's just easier to go along with him) both of the other women I know of who he has assulted are friendly with him. one of them lives out of state and rarely sees him, and I know she didn't talk to him for a long time after their breakup. I'm guessing she just gave in eventually, he wore her down, as he is attempting to do with me. the other one is a survivor of some really horrific stuff, so maybe what he did pales in comparison. I once saw her right after he hit her, and as you might expect she was very upset - but for some reason she is still friendly with the asshole. I can't judge either one of them, I like them both and no one can know their lives except for them. but whatever, it isn't going to work on me.

I wish he'd figure that out already! if you talk to him, maybe you could put in a good word for just AVOIDING me, if the topic ever comes up?

but anyway, enough about him and his bullshit.

overall I was glad I went and it did reinforce the idea that we made the right choice this year as far as staying in town but having one hell of a party. I'm thinking we just may do that again next year!
sewwious goggles

hot tea and warm fuzzies

sorry about all the bitching lately! sheesh! I hate reading journals that are just all bitching so I for sure do not want to go there too much with mine.

I have to say I am excited about life these days. the bat pre-orders are going well, and we should have them in our eager little paws later this week. I can hardly wait to send 'em off to their new owners!

I'm also doing a lot more with tarot lately and absolutely loving it. more on this later! but if you are interested in a reading, I am looking for opportunities to practice. free if you come to me, negotiable if I need to travel (especially if I need to travel in this rain!) I do love the rain - but admittedly, mostly *hearing* it from inside with a lovely cup of tea.

speaking of which, my sweet little iron teapot is calling me, along with the latest installment of an audio class I am taking. ttyl!