December 28th, 2006

sewwious goggles

up up down down left right start

so I've been gradually getting better... I guess.

still very much feeling sadness, ennui, and outright depression at times. it comes and goes.

today I ran a buncha errands so that I could cook food for us for the weekend trip (it's a cabin-out, somewhere down the coast. we have to bring food, bedding etc but at least we are not going to be sleeping in tents.) I made chili con can (it's actually really good even though it does mostly come from cans) a curried bean soup, a tasty red wine risotto which will have roasted baby peppers added to it, and picked up a few items which don't need any prep. tomorrow I'll be vac-sealing it all in preparation for leaving on fryday.

that's all great. not so great: I am still working on wrapping my brain around the fact that one of my best friends is gone, really and truly gone, and she isn't coming back. occasionally I just have to stop and get a grip.

it's a bitter pill to have to swallow.

what makes it worse is that I don't make friends that easily. probably all of you reading this are more dear to me than you even realize, because I don't open up that easily. this was not the case with Allison - we really bonded and we could and did talk about anything. no topic was off limits, I was hardly ever too shy to really tell her what I was thinking. hell, I often asked for advice - her advice was always compassionate (towards all involved, not just me) and totally excellent. she never ever gave me bad advice, and she had the ability to be encouraging even when the news was not so good.

I even asked questions, though I've never been very comfortable with that as I was raised not to "pry". I'd like to get past that conditioning and let my friends be responsible for setting their boundaries around me, because this habit, polite though it may be, has not stood me in good stead in several important relationships. I always sort of figure that if you want me to know something, you will tell me, but that is not necessarily the case all the time, so I want to learn to ask more. it would be a good memorial to her. I think I'm also going to teach myself a new makeup trick or two in her honor as well.

so anyway, I'm going forward, not easily, but as best I can.

thanks again for all your support and love. it means a LOT, and has helped me greatly.
  • Current Mood
    none, or other
sewwious goggles

...just like that.

here I am again. it's kinda crazy being me lately.

I am loving our new vac sealer. it's useful and convenient, and we are going to be eating SO WELL at twigsville this year (no more tasty bites for us!) cooking always seems to make me happy too.

while I was sealing up some awesome (if I do say so myself) risotto, the doorbell rang - ups bringing me a much awaited package. I treated myself to the incredible Rodrigo y Gabriela album after experiencing love at first hearing when one of the tracks was played on the radio as I ran errands (back just before everything started to suck.)

they are AWESOME. I pulled out the CD and fired up the soundsystem. as I sat listening to Tamacun, the first track, I read their notes. Tamacun is a man who lives in Ixtapa, on the south pacific coast of Mexico. he has dedicated himself to saving the crocodiles and they know and love him. he gets no money from the Mexican government for this work, and makes little or no money in general. but he is saving the crocodiles. there's a photo of him lying on his back on the back of a big croc. both of them are smiling. the song is about him, they said they would tell the world of his work.

this totally made me cry.

if you like guitar music, check these folks out. they're amazing!
  • Current Music
    Tamacun - Rodrigo y Gabriela