December 15th, 2006

fire

today

i actually woke up feeling hungry today. that's an improvement from the past few days. when i'm really down, the prospect of eating just does not appeal - it seems as if i am considering eating shredded newspaper, just nothing. Jovino took me to La Pinata the other night - great comfort food, and it did taste good while i was eating it, despite my feelings of not really wanting food. i have been eating, but mostly just because i know i should (and it is worse not to.)

i have also been sleeping a lot. i had a really hard time sleeping for the first couple nights since hearing that Allison was gone, and i guess i was either worn out, or maybe just ready to sleep. yesterday i fell asleep on the couch around 4 or 5 and was out until almost 10pm, then went to bed again at 2 and slept til noon. i did take some nyquil just before bed, but that usually only works for ~6 hours at the most, so i think my body is just finally catching up.

i'm also starting to feel a bit better. friends have shown me numerous small kindnesses (calling, emailing, offering hugs, etc) and best of all i have found someone who has very kindly offered to work the beginning of the sale on Sunday so that i can go to the memorial. it is someone who i barely know, but i am SUPER grateful to her (and to jovino, who offered to just do it himself.) good to know that i can be there without it being a problem for him. it has been a hard week for him as well, as i have been miserable and barely myself.

it's also been good to see all the love that has poured out from Allison's many friends. there is a tribe, a web site, and several folks with collections of photos.

i'm so glad that we had what we had. of course i wish it had been more, or for longer, but really i would rather have the pain i am having now than to never have known her at all.

thanks for listening.