December 12th, 2006

fire

ohmyfuckinggodno

i just learned that a friend of mine is dead, /maybe/ by her own hand. i am so at loose ends. i dont know what to do. i keeo thinging maybe it isnt true, but i heard from someone reliable and there is no reason to make this up.

her friends are meeting in sf adn i cant deide if I want to go there or not. i just dont konw. i feel sick, but i knwo its in my head.

fuck!

why?

what happened?

how did we fail her?

in the back of my mind i am also thinking of other friedsnm, who recentlky received similar bad news about another friend of theirs - not someone i know, but somoen who meant a lot to them.

i'm supposed to br working on stuff for a sale this sunday and i am ujst in shock and dont know what to do with myself.

it;'s trite, but: why/ why? why?