August 8th, 2006

hmmm...

WTF...

...was I thinking?

So, I was asked to (and agreed to) take on the mapping of my bman village as a collaborative venture with the ex. (Again: what was I thinking?!)

Guess what? It's not going to work.




So, a year after breaking up with him, I have had to deal with him screaming profanities at me on the phone, being rude, and assuming the worst about everything.


I just can't take it any more.


I guess I have to be The Mature One, and walk away.

What really makes me sick about all this is that this is for the BLD, which has been *my* village, ever since it started in, what, '97?

He's only camped there for two or three years - after *I* brought him in.

So, The Problematic Ex is taking over MY Village, and (despite my best efforts) there is Jack Shite I can do about it. Except walk away.

But...

why should I let him push me out, when it was my place to begin with - my friends, people I have known for years and years?

But!

Apparently there is nothing I can do except to stand down myself. He is too pushy - and our mandate to work together (which I did not choose) has no room for the possibility that it would be impossible for us to work it out.

The especially sucky thing here is that *I* was trying to work it out, while he got fed up and screamed for me to "fuck off" and hung up on me.


The position of "The Mature One" is still open. But I can't do it if he won't talk to me. And I just do not feel it is fair for *me* to have to leave my home village, just because *he* cannot deal.



To make matters worse, I feel like I have bent over backwards to treat him fairly, help him out, and generally not just *dump* him, but help him go forward after the end of our relationship. I gave him a for-chrissakes-CAR, for chrissakes! And helped him in innumerable other ways.

And this is how he treats me.



Furthermore, this is coming on the heels of issues with my cat - my cat who lives with my (other) ex, who has a small baby (who both bothers and is bothered by the cat) but won't relent and let me have the cat. Which is making me feel sad and helpless. It's not directly related to this other issue in any way... but it doesn't help.


I'm just feeling really miserable - and like no matter what I do it is not the right thing. Or at least not the helpful thing.



I'm also working on a longer post about my birthday weekend (which was beyond rad)... but obviously it isn't going to happen right now.
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