December 23rd, 2003


Merry Fucking Xmas

So I was happily going about my business, being a big xmas dork (I have a tree for the first time in many years, and it's beautiful! Having figured out that xmas can be about *Santa* (and we're all Santa!) rather than being some dumb religious holiday that was forced down all our throats, I am actually enjoying it this year, I even went caroling last night in my Santa suit...) when I was delivered a little surprise.

I just came home to a big unexpected package on my front porch... turns out to be a bunch of *stuff* from an old friend of my Mom's... stuff that I do not have space for, as I am already way over capacity and a lot of it is stuff I inherited from my Mom... I have a ton of old letters, photos, books... and now more... what a surprise, and I feel bad for not wanting it. But it is already super hard to figure out what to do with any of it (I'm tempted to just burn the old letters, but can't quite bring myself to do it, they meant so much to my Mom... and if any of them are from her father, who founded the Iowa Writer's Workshop and the International Writer's Workshop, they want them for the archive, so must be responsible and make sure not to burn those at least...) anyway, the last thing I need is more of the same. ack! This is something that I HAVE to deal with very very soon and I guess I just have one more box to sort through and agonize over. If I can find her letters (I'm sure I have one or more files of them somewhere, my Mom saved it all, though it is only partially organized) perhaps I should return the favor, heh. I just want to ignore it all, but I can't! It's been 10 years since my Mom died (to the day this xmas... Thursday, making this an especially badly timed little bombshell) and at this point I HAVE to deal... not enough storage to keep on avoiding it. Now I just want to cry. Merry fucking Christmas indeed. :-(
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