December 2nd, 2003

Pink Braids-DBC

What they don't know...

So I called my dad and stepmom to let them know I'd passed my driving test. They were quite shocked, and all the while earnestly trying to pretend not to be. They actually managed to be really nice about it, but nonetheless I found it funny as hell. Admittedly, as a 37 year old, I am something like *20 years* overdue for this particular honor. But still... it cracked my shit up.

And y'know... I really don't ever tell them much about my life. They did know I'd been working on it for a while ...but... not only did they have no idea I was about to take the test, there is a *lot* about my life that they are completely clueless about. In fact, they generally tend to have very little idea of what's up with me. Which is fine with me. It's never behooved me to give them too much information about my life. They don't know I'm poly. They don't know I'm bi. I haven't told them because frankly, I don't expect they'd react particularly well, and as I don't look to them for support (and they never come visit me) they don't really need to know.

For a time, my ex and I were in a triad with a lovely woman, whom he was eager to introduce to his parents. So the next time they came to visit, we took them out to a nice dinner and afterwards (back at our place) he/we came out to them as bi and poly. (Since they were his parents I let him take the lead, and just confirmed that the same were also true of me, and that we were happy and everything was good. I might have even told them it was my idea to try being poly, it was several years ago ('99) and I don't remember for sure. I mostly let him talk, and sat there holding his hand, being supportive, and trying to put forth an aura of "this is good and we are happy".) It went very well, surprising though it was... they are college professors and generally quite open minded. (They did politely make it clear that that was enough info for now, and they really didn't want to know anything else about it.) We never got to make the introduction though as the relationship ended not long afterwards. I'm sure they credit our subsequent divorce (years later) as being due to us being poly, although in actuality that was the least of it... we just were no longer very compatible or happy. That can happen if you get married when you're 21. (I think being poly did have a hand in ending the triad though - she seemed happiest when it was just the three of us, and when we both began dating others I think it became difficult and not as much fun for her.)

So. All of this sort of begs the question: what if they find this? The whole online journal concept is new to me - but I've been online for years, and I've never been particularly closeted. At one point, I was active in the Cyborganic community, and though I used my (now retired) art name there, the kids knew what it was, and one day they searched on it and found me. They called me up and asked me a bunch of questions, informed me they saw me in my halloween costume, and it was generally pretty funny - but not especially revealing. Now I am using my DJ name, which they also know. To this I can only say, "oh well - let them find me!" It would actually save me time and hassles, letting them just read about it and figure it out instead of having to figure out how to start, what to say, etc. It'd hand them the whole enchilada and let them decide what to ask me about.

OTOH, I'm not about to say to them "oh, I have an online journal, here's the URL!" Let sleeping dogs lie, and all that. It's just not worth sitting through their likely very judgemental responses. If I have to broach the subject, I will - but absent some good reason or benefit to it, I'm staying mum on this stuff... and anything else they just wouldn't "get". Why put myself (or them) through it? What they don't know can't hurt them. (Or cause me a lot of headaches!)

It's a moot point anyway - other than Roya and the BF (and perhaps the occasional random passer-by) I don't think anyone actually reads this. Which is fine with me. I'm not doing it for an audience - I'm doing it for myself.