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dance, emo bunny, dance - adventures of a red-headed stepchild in the house of love
mermaid on the mic
djmermaid
djmermaid
dance, emo bunny, dance
ugh.

trying, trying, to get my dance groove back, but it is an uphill struggle.  the picture in the icon is me - well, it WAS me... back in, what... 2003? 2002? 

so, I was trying to do a video workout tonight... and it was so hard... and even worse, I knew I should have been able to do better.  and, the point is that I could have, not so long ago - but, I blew it.  I lost it. 

I let it go. 

to the point that I can barely keep up in class - and I'm reduced to watching a video of some 23 yr old, doing yoga that I can barely keep up with, when I would have been able to do it all with a smile on my face, back in teh day.

poo.

and... why, oh why did ever let it go?!  why oh why?!?!?  what was the point?  what did I get for it?  nothing, I tell you... NOthing.

meh.

I'm feeling: depressed poo

9 smooches or Gimme Some Love!
Comments
kitten1308 From: kitten1308 Date: April 5th, 2008 08:34 am (UTC) (Link)

Hot Mamma

Holy crap. We *so* have this in common. In 2002, 2003 - I was skinny, tight, ripped, and tan - weight training every day and kick boxing 3 days a week. A size 6 was baggy on me.

Then a bunch of really fucked up shit happened, and it was a long time until I could invest time and energy in myself and in my body like I could then.

Until just now.

I am just starting and struggling like you, but I am working out again. It is discouraging when I think of the time - not so long ago - that I would barely get winded during my 2 hour daily workout. But you know what? It was freaking hard at the beginning then as well. Later it got easy.

So this is the hard part, and soon it will be easy. Do it every day without worrying about what you can and can't do, and soon you will easily be able do it all. Keep pride the hell out of it. The body remembers. The body gains strength and endurance very, very quickly.

Do any workout every day for 2 weeks, and you will triple (or more) what you could do when you started 14 days ago. The process sucks, but it is a a really quick process.

Get on an eliptical. Perhaps you are wishing for death in like 7 minutes. Keep getting on it every day for a couple short weeks for as long as you can, and I bet you will easily hit 30 minutes before the 2 weeks are up.

I am saying this as much to me as I am to you (well, actually more to me), but push through the first 2 weeks, and then through to the end of the first month. You won't get so winded anymore, your whole body will be tighter, and it won't be "work" to work out. Then it gets back to being fun again like it used to.

Hang in there. Work out every day. And the payoff is right around the corner. After that, it's easy. Besides, it'll be fun to share our super skinny clothes with each other in a few months.
smoness From: smoness Date: April 5th, 2008 02:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whatever. You're still beautiful. I wouldn't stress so much if I were you. If you keep up with the video, you'll get to where you want to be eventually. But in the mean time, you don't need to worry about looking good. :)
silverfae From: silverfae Date: April 5th, 2008 02:36 pm (UTC) (Link)

Ah, but those 23 yr olds will eventually look like us, too.
EVERYONE who was lean and ripped in tha day is now like us.
Yes, even Suhaila, Suzanna Del Vecchio, Kajira,.. need I go on?

And I think that pic was as far back as 2001, IIRC. I'm tempted to take down my youtube vid because I don't wanna be one of those dancers who only puts up old pix of themselves.

djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: April 8th, 2008 02:00 am (UTC) (Link)
I say leave it up! it's not like you are claiming it was made last week or anything.

you still dancing, beautiful lady?

miss you, kiss you!
(Deleted comment)
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: April 8th, 2008 02:03 am (UTC) (Link)
thanks for the kind words. at least dragging my ass to class isn't much of a problem. and you are right, I just need to stick with it. it's frustrating because I know what I *should* be doing but I'm having a hard time doing it. I need to remember that it was just as hard the first time (harder, really - I can't tell you how long it took me to figure out where the heck my obliques were!) %-)

I'm in training for Tribal Fest, where I want to take a bunch of workshops and am really hoping it won't freakin' kill me. (it'll kick my ass, no doubt, but hopefully it won't actually *kill* me...) and I'm sure it'll be worth it...
nightcat22 From: nightcat22 Date: April 5th, 2008 04:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
lots of tasty food. Im slowly starting to lose my twinkish body. ITs so hard now when 5 years ago I could eat an entire cake and not gain a pound. Now i just watch someone have a bite of cake can can feel myself getting bigger.
I just started taking yoga. It takes time
I have been to about 5 classes now an am amazed at what my body can do that I couldn't do 5 classes ago. stay with it hon
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: April 8th, 2008 02:04 am (UTC) (Link)
hahahaha, I know what you mean. yoga is *awesome* and I know it will pay off if I can keep at it.

thanks for the kind words.
vicious_kind From: vicious_kind Date: April 7th, 2008 07:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Whatever you do, don't get discouraged. Just because you are not where you want to be, does not mean you should get in the way of what you CAN be!

Baby steps. Do the silly yoga video, get stronger and be better for it. Who cares if you will ever do what you could at 23? Just be the best M you can.
You are a working fool and that gets in the way of all sorts of stuff. If you want to give up friends and music, I am sure you could be ripped again, right?
9 smooches or Gimme Some Love!