red-headed stepchild in the house of love (djmermaid) wrote,
red-headed stepchild in the house of love

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dreams of loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad

so, last night.... I dreamed that I was in a relationship with a pushy, controlling, abusive partner. (imagine that! oh wait, all I have to do is remember it...) I was working as a DJ and as a call girl. I had a DJ gig that I was pulling CDs for, when the bad partner came in and started hassling me in a very threatening way. I knew I had to get away.

I packed up my CDs into two cases, stuffed some clothes into my pink messenger bag, and grabbed my purse and another bag, and left the house, as if to head out to the DJ gig. once I was far enough away, I started running - hoping to escape the abusive partner, who I thought was likely close behind. he started chasing me as I ran down the sidewalk with all this stuff on me, and I was calling out "Do Not Want! Do Not Want! Do Not Want!" over and over again instead of calling "help." (this part is extremely funny to me - now - at the time I *meant* it! I was really terrified, and just wanted to escape.) I ran as fast as I could. somehow I managed to stay ahead of him, even carrying so much (the cases themselves are too heavy for me to run very far with, in reality.)

luckily, my favorite client from my call girl work (a wealthy and kind lawyer who hired me regularly) happened to be driving by in his SUV and he stopped to let me in with all of my bags. I felt bad inconveniencing him, but he seemed totally willing to help me out. He drove us to his home (with a gated garage) and assured me that the evil dude could not get in, and that I could stay there as long as I wanted. I knew that the reason he'd hired me in the first place was surely to avoid teh dramz, but I also felt reassured that he cared enough about me to inconvenience himself to help and care for me, and I felt so relieved and so grateful.

I also remember opening up my CD cases, and thinking "well, this is ALL the CDs I have, so it'll have to be enough."

lots going on in this dream... just wanted to get it down. never made it to the gig (and never had sex with the lawyer, in case you were wondering.) mostly it focused on making myself safe from the attacking evil guy. I'd had a dream a few nights earlier of him physically assaulting me, so this was definitely an improvement.

the previous dream that night had Jovino, me and some other folks traveling together, and then I got lost from the group and had to try to find everyone (woke up before it could be resolved.)

other than that, not a lot to report. been dreaming a lot about scary stuff... trying to escape, having to physically defend myself... it seems to be getting a bit better though. the others were too scary to write about here. sick of the scary dreams - they are completely Not Restful. sick of this cold. cleaning my room, wish it was done already. well, typing isn't going to make it happen.

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