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dreams of loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad - adventures of a red-headed stepchild in the house of love — LiveJournal
mermaid on the mic
dreams of loneliness like a heartbeat drives you mad
so, last night.... I dreamed that I was in a relationship with a pushy, controlling, abusive partner. (imagine that! oh wait, all I have to do is remember it...) I was working as a DJ and as a call girl. I had a DJ gig that I was pulling CDs for, when the bad partner came in and started hassling me in a very threatening way. I knew I had to get away.

I packed up my CDs into two cases, stuffed some clothes into my pink messenger bag, and grabbed my purse and another bag, and left the house, as if to head out to the DJ gig. once I was far enough away, I started running - hoping to escape the abusive partner, who I thought was likely close behind. he started chasing me as I ran down the sidewalk with all this stuff on me, and I was calling out "Do Not Want! Do Not Want! Do Not Want!" over and over again instead of calling "help." (this part is extremely funny to me - now - at the time I *meant* it! I was really terrified, and just wanted to escape.) I ran as fast as I could. somehow I managed to stay ahead of him, even carrying so much (the cases themselves are too heavy for me to run very far with, in reality.)

luckily, my favorite client from my call girl work (a wealthy and kind lawyer who hired me regularly) happened to be driving by in his SUV and he stopped to let me in with all of my bags. I felt bad inconveniencing him, but he seemed totally willing to help me out. He drove us to his home (with a gated garage) and assured me that the evil dude could not get in, and that I could stay there as long as I wanted. I knew that the reason he'd hired me in the first place was surely to avoid teh dramz, but I also felt reassured that he cared enough about me to inconvenience himself to help and care for me, and I felt so relieved and so grateful.

I also remember opening up my CD cases, and thinking "well, this is ALL the CDs I have, so it'll have to be enough."

lots going on in this dream... just wanted to get it down. never made it to the gig (and never had sex with the lawyer, in case you were wondering.) mostly it focused on making myself safe from the attacking evil guy. I'd had a dream a few nights earlier of him physically assaulting me, so this was definitely an improvement.

the previous dream that night had Jovino, me and some other folks traveling together, and then I got lost from the group and had to try to find everyone (woke up before it could be resolved.)

other than that, not a lot to report. been dreaming a lot about scary stuff... trying to escape, having to physically defend myself... it seems to be getting a bit better though. the others were too scary to write about here. sick of the scary dreams - they are completely Not Restful. sick of this cold. cleaning my room, wish it was done already. well, typing isn't going to make it happen.

I'm feeling: awake awake

6 smooches or Gimme Some Love!
From: catwoman69y2k Date: October 14th, 2007 10:41 pm (UTC) (Link)
Those sound like horrible dreams. I wonder why so many people around me are having such horrible dreams.

neonbunny From: neonbunny Date: October 15th, 2007 03:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
I don't know how, but any time I start to have a scary dream (one that I know will cause me to not have good sleep), I am able to wake myself out of it. Usually just rolling over is enough to make the dream go away. But if it's one that lingers, I'll get up to drink some water or sumfin before going back to sleep.
une_allumeuse From: une_allumeuse Date: October 15th, 2007 05:34 pm (UTC) (Link)
i_portrait From: i_portrait Date: October 15th, 2007 11:54 pm (UTC) (Link)
thanks for the add!

sorry about the scary dream. the flavor of a scary dream can hang around for me for a very long time - i hope that's not the case for you.

(and i've gotta say, it is kinda funny that teh lolcatz has invaded ur subkonchuz to de point u talk lik dem in ur dreamz!)
robotter From: robotter Date: October 18th, 2007 04:03 pm (UTC) (Link)

Dream Analysis...

Sorry, not so on with it this morning, but I think your subconscious could be telling you that it's okay to ask others for help. You don't need to be concerned about putting your drama into other people's lives. Most people want to be of help, and can set their own limits if things are getting to be too much.

My friend Gen and I talked at length yesterday about women learning to ask for what they need, instead of not asking for what they need and then feeling hurt and disappointed when they don't get it.

Also, interesting that you have a lot of baggage in the dream. Maybe it's time to work toward healing your own stuff - not necessarily with the abusive ex, but on your own - so that you have more freedom in your life, emotionally.

Miss you, sweetie!
djmermaid From: djmermaid Date: October 29th, 2007 02:35 am (UTC) (Link)

Re: Dream Analysis...

hey gurl, thanks for the dream interp. I always appreciate your perspective and ideas.

I do think that the "baggage" in this one had more to do with "do I have enough" than "dragging along too much baggage" - like, am I sufficiently capable of meeting my own needs? I did have to accept help in the dream, but it felt ok. when I reviewed my CDs I felt like I would have enough music (it's an issue for gigs, I pack up my cases but then sometimes need different music, or more of one kind which I may have brought only a few CDs, or suchlike.) it's a very common DJ dilemma actually, unless you totally pre-plan sets (which for me takes a lot of the fun out of it.)

the "ok to accept help" thing I think is spot-on.

thanks so much for reading and thinking about this for me. I really appreciate your insights!
6 smooches or Gimme Some Love!