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Back to Life, Back to Reality, Back to the Here and Now - adventures of a red-headed stepchild in the house of love
mermaid on the mic
djmermaid
djmermaid
Back to Life, Back to Reality, Back to the Here and Now
So, I'm back from the Playa. A lot has happened, especially if you consider how long it has been since I made a real entry.

I kinda don't know what to say here... for the record, I am sorry to say that the BF and I split up about a week before burning man.

Almost everyone I talked to about it out there knew already, and apparently people have been asking the (ex) BF about it, but nobody has asked me. No idea why, and it sort of bugs me. Am I so hard to talk to? Do they not like me or care about what I think? Do they just think I'm a bitch? I don't know. A couple of people have even asked Jovino, which I think is inappropriate, and not a little uncool. It has nothing to do with him. Ask me already!

Hmmph.

Anyway. It was not an easy decision. I agonized over it for months, but I know it was the right thing. ExBF tells me he has been telling people who've asked him about it that we both just lost patience with each other, and I suppose that's as good a response as any.

There were a few awkward moments, but overall we are dealing well with it and with each other, and we are already being able to be friends to one another, in a way that we hadn't been able to be in some time. I'm sure in time he will find someone better suited to be his partner. I am doing my best to be supportive and friendly in the meantime - encouraging him to keep school his top priority, giving him time to get moved out, and just helping in any way I can. It's sad, but it is also the right thing.

I somehow managed to jack up my neck sleeping on the air mattress, and (with the help of some ow-be-gones) slept through burn night, and left the playa Sunday evening. I'm still stiff and sore as hell. It does seem to be getting a bit better, and I have been sleeping a LOT, drinking water, and taking advil and muscle relaxing meds received on a visit to kaiser. I feel old. It's making me grumpy, off and on. Jovino has been totally sweet about pampering me, which helps.

I've also been doing research, trying to find a new career direction. Lots of change in the wind.

That's all I have the energy for, right now. More later.
15 smooches or Gimme Some Love!
Comments
From: cinnamon_grrrl Date: September 9th, 2005 12:48 am (UTC) (Link)
Sorry you guys split up :(
Hope you're doing OK and hope your neck feels better soon.
velvona From: velvona Date: September 9th, 2005 01:06 am (UTC) (Link)

Damn, grrrl

I'm so impressed by the way you are handling your break-up, with love and respect and kindness, as you did with your last one as well. I know it can't be easy. I'm sad for you, but know that you don't make such decisions lightly, and that wonderful things are in store for you.

And for the record, you do sometimes come across as unapproachable...until people get to know you a little better. It's hard to get through that shell, but so, so worth it!!!
From: catwoman69y2k Date: September 9th, 2005 05:54 pm (UTC) (Link)

Re: Damn, grrrl

From someone that is only an acquaintance to you right now...you do come across as busy or otherwise unapproachable. However THAT IS NO EXCUSE for people to leave you out of the loop concerning a relationship YOU were in as well as Davor.

Being friends with an ex is a feat in itself. Im glad that you guys can still be friends and there is no bad blood.

-Kat
tyrsalvia From: tyrsalvia Date: September 9th, 2005 01:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Net.hugs offered, and I'll deliver them in person any time.
adameros From: adameros Date: September 9th, 2005 01:13 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm really sorry for both of you that it didn't work out. :-(
metaphorge From: metaphorge Date: September 9th, 2005 01:15 am (UTC) (Link)
I'm sad to hear about your breakup. *big huge hugs*
jennconspiracy From: jennconspiracy Date: September 9th, 2005 01:21 am (UTC) (Link)
Hey M - I didn't see too much of you and we never had a chance to really chat much at burningman. Otherwise, I would have asked you about it and had I known you had a sore neck, I would have reminded you that I am a certified swedish/deep tissue massage therapist.

I know Davor was sad but I am impressed with the way he held it together, and I am happy for you and Jovino. Though I missed the chance to tell you - I want you to know that I very much anticipated and enjoyed your DJ set at Chez Newt. I think you would be a good choice for organizing the sound track for the playa. :)
penguingrrl From: penguingrrl Date: September 9th, 2005 03:32 pm (UTC) (Link)
I am sad to hear about your break up. But life goes on. It seems you both are handling it well. Take care of that neck and get some rest. Hope to see you sometime soon, sweetie!
idiva From: idiva Date: September 9th, 2005 04:21 pm (UTC) (Link)
I'm really sorry to hear 'bout things, M.

Broncochick and I support the both of you in your choices and wish you peace & happiness.

many hugs,
Laura
kshandra From: kshandra Date: September 9th, 2005 04:27 pm (UTC) (Link)
Dude, I had no idea. Sorry to hear it. Also sorry that we had so little chance to actually see each other this year - but as I said, I will be back in BLD next year. I missed all y'all.
davor From: davor Date: September 9th, 2005 07:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

Sad Yes...

Our Break Up Makes me Sad too. I had hoped our Relationship would weather all things good and bad, but we weren't able to manage that.

I still Love You Deeply, but I have come to understand and accept your decision. I am hoping You are right and that we will both be happier in the long run.

Thank you again for your continued support of me and my studies. I am splitting my time between school and moving out. Last night I spent my 1st night @ NIMBY. Ultimately I think NIMBY will be good for me.

I am pleased that we are getting along so well, it speaks well of the Love We shared and continue to share with each other. You are too dear to me to lose your Friendship in this break up.

Instead of focusing on the things I had hoped we would do in our life together, I have chosen to enjoy the memories of all the Good things we did do together. We made each other Happy and others basked in that happiness too.

Hopefully we will find the patience we lost with each other again, I feel we are well on our way to that already.

I Love You and Miss You. I still only wish the best for You, I am just sad that I am no longer that for You.
jovino From: jovino Date: September 10th, 2005 03:23 am (UTC) (Link)
And to be fair, I am also saddened by the news of your breakup. I say it often to you in person, but in the public I would like to say that no matter how challenging the dynamic of our relationships have been, this is not what I wanted or intended or wished to happen. I can only hope that we can all move forward from here and still remain friends despite all the difficulties.
jovino
( )_( )
(=0_0=)
(")_(")
xoxoxtc From: xoxoxtc Date: September 12th, 2005 07:21 pm (UTC) (Link)

I did not

know at the Burn about the breakup or would have said something to you and given you an extra hug. I wish all of you the best in your hearts and life.
mythos_amante From: mythos_amante Date: September 19th, 2005 02:50 am (UTC) (Link)
I love you, M! I'm sorry you guys split, too, because you seemed to be able to work and play well with each other. But sometimes things do get rough and change is nearly the only constant there is. I hope I get to see you at the Decompression in SF on the 9th?

And will you still like hot pink? :)
jacqui From: jacqui Date: September 20th, 2005 05:02 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh Honey, I didn't realize you'd broken up. That's so painful. Been there done that way too much. Sorry about your neck and muscles as well. I think pretty much every entry I've written for the last month or so has been about the same kind of thing for me. It makes me feel really old too. My neck and back are Fucking killing me. I've taken Vicodin, Valium, and of course Tylenol and herbs and homeopathic stuff. I've put ice and heat on it. I even had a crappy massage. I've got a heat pack on my back right now. It sucks being like this and I'm so sorry you've been going through it too.

I need to find a new direction or a way to make some money. I've run out and things are pretty tight and scary right now. Amazing how our lives move in similar cycles. Kind of like synchronising periods or something.

Hang in there sweetie. I hope things get better and that you feel loved and supported.

Big huge super loving hugs from your friend,
Jacqui
XOXOXOXO
15 smooches or Gimme Some Love!