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omgwtf - adventures of a red-headed stepchild in the house of love
mermaid on the mic
djmermaid
djmermaid
omgwtf
so I'm taking a couple of classes at our local community college. in many ways, they're great - the instructor is knowledgeable, interactive, and really seems to care about us learning what he is presenting. we are getting more than our money's worth for the tuition, for sure.

in another way, the classes are driving me nuts. I'm just not adept at this stuff, and it is intensely frustrating for me to struggle, week after week, and always only partly succeed. I do actually get the core concepts, but I'm just not that great at he execution.

I want to pack it in and quit, but then I don't want to. I don't want to give up. at the same time, I'm tired of sucking and turning in substandard work.

we're nearly halfway through the semester now. I'm doing my best to stick it out, but sometimes I want to scream, cry, or both.

DJing this weekend was a wonderful break - it was such a joy (and a relief) to get to do something I'm actually good at, instead of beating my head against this fucking brick wall.

ah well. back to the brick wall - I need to finish up my homework so I can get to bed. tomorrow morning is closer than I'd like to admit.

I'm feeling: determined determined

5 smooches or Gimme Some Love!
Comments
kerigirl From: kerigirl Date: March 12th, 2007 04:24 pm (UTC) (Link)
Good for you for taking classes! I know it is difficult and can be exhausting...hang in there!
chasbrown From: chasbrown Date: March 12th, 2007 04:35 pm (UTC) (Link)
I totally felt like that when I took art classes. I could do a few things right, but nothing ever ended up like I wanted it, and then everyone had to sit in a circle and tell you how you felt about it. Wtf.

In the long run, I am happy I took those classes, because now, after all of these years, something sunk in. Classes like that are never immediately rewarding, but in about a semester, you'll be really happy you took it.
arletterocks From: arletterocks Date: March 13th, 2007 01:26 am (UTC) (Link)

Sometimes I like feeling retarded

Problem is, you're too used to being awesome at everything you do!

School is great because it gives me a safe place to be *bad* at things and to screw up over and over until things fall into place. Hang in there, and maybe you can talk to your teacher about it? He or she might have some ideas about making the class fit your needs better.
robotter From: robotter Date: March 14th, 2007 09:50 pm (UTC) (Link)

From what you've told me...

..the classes are related to your business. For that reason, you should stick with them. There is always a part of every business venture or job that you're going to dislike, and not do well with. In the beginning, you have to do everything yourself. As you grow, though, you will know that it is not your strength, and that it is something you will need to look for outside help on, or hand off to your business partner. (Is J. taking the class with you as well?) And then you can focus on the areas where your strengths lie.

Also, some things are worth sticking with precisely because they are hard. For the longest time, i really sucked at spinning fire (still do, though now it's passable). I know I will never be a really mesmerizing performer, which is fine - I hate being in front of an audience! But I've kept working on it because it's a challenge, and thus learning and getting better has been more rewarding.

Echoing one of your other comments, I think talking to your instructor is a really top-notch idea!
thecatsmeowww From: thecatsmeowww Date: March 15th, 2007 05:57 am (UTC) (Link)
Good for you...don't give up!!! HUGS!!!!!!!
5 smooches or Gimme Some Love!